(read original, by Christina Fox, here)

Parenting Is Hard for a Reason 

(read original, by Christina Fox, here)

It had been a long and trying day where nothing went the way it should. I must have corrected the kids every five minutes. After refereeing fights and cleaning up messes all day, I was exhausted, irritated, and impatient.

Sitting at the dinner table that evening, it was my oldest son's turn to give thanks. When I heard him say, "And God, could you please help mommy to be patient with us?" I realized I wasn't the only one affected by our difficult day. I was part of the problem.

Before I had children, I considered myself a patient person. Having worked with children professionally, I felt confident in my ability to interact with them. I assumed that working with troubled children would automatically qualify me for parenting. It was soon after I had my first child that I realized just how wrong I was.

When my kids were small, I couldn't understand why things weren't going as they should. I read all the books. I followed each method and step listed on the pages. I did everything I was told to do. But my children didn't always sleep the way the experts said they would. They didn't potty train in a day. I'm not convinced they've learned their manners. And they didn't (and still don't) do what I say the first time.

I couldn't wrap my mind around it all. When parents seek to raise their children in a godly way, how can parenting still be so hard? But If I believe that God is sovereign, then I must believe he is sovereign even over all the challenges I have with my children. If they have a rough day, whine, complain, and don't get along, it is not outside his control.

Refine and Transform

While I used to despair over my children's imperfect sleep patterns, rambunctious behavior, and failure to say please and thank you, I now realize there is a greater purpose---my refinement. Each struggle, each exhausting day, each behavioral problem, is an opportunity for me to grow in my faith. God uses my children as mirrors to reflect to me the sin I didn't realize resides in my heart. He is in fact using my own kids to refine and transform me.

Parenthood is tilling the soil in my heart, weeding out the sins that keep me from growing in faith. Some of the roots run deep and have entangled themselves around my heart. Before having children, I didn't realize how deeply rooted sins like impatience, selfishness, and irritability grew in the sin-fertilized soil of my heart. It took the challenges of raising children to reveal them to me.

This weeding is sometimes a painful process. Like the tough layers of leathery dragon skin that Aslan pulled from Eustice to restore him back to a boy, the process of seeing my sin and having it rooted out of my heart is painful. Yet it is so necessary.

But even as God reveals my sins of impatience, irritability, and selfishness, he also reveals his grace. When my children are easily distracted and I respond with impatience, not only does the Spirit reveal that sin to me, he also points out to me all the ways God is patient with my own distracted heart. When struggles in parenting reveal my sin of irritability, it also shows me God's endless forbearance. When the weeds of selfishness become apparent in my heart, I also see how selfless Christ was for me at the cross.

Time and again, the gospel of grace covers my sin, bringing me back to the cross of Christ. Jesus knew I could never be a perfect mom. He knew I couldn't respond to my children with love and grace at every moment. He knew I'd have days where I would fail. And that's why he came. At the cross he suffered for every time I am impatient, for every time I fail to teach and train my children, and for every time I don't love them as he loves them.

Hard for a Reason

Parenting is hard. But as I've learned, it is hard for a reason. God is in the process of making all things new, including our hearts. He is pruning, weeding, and tilling the soil in our hearts to make us increasingly like Christ. One day, his work will be complete, and we'll see the breathtaking result of his refining work in us. The weeds will be gone, and our sin will be no more.

That day when I came face to face with my sins at the dinner table, I count it as grace. For it is God's gracious love that desires to rid me of the sins that keep me from him. And after my son prayed, I asked him for grace and forgiveness for my impatience that day. Reminding him that I am sinner just as he is, I used the opportunity to point him to the grace of Christ who bore all our sins on the cross.

May we all embrace the challenges of parenting, knowing that each frustrating moment is an opportunity for growth---one pulled weed at a time.

Christina Fox is a licensed mental health counselor, coffee drinker, writer, and homeschooling mom, not necessarily in that order. She lives with her husband of 16 years and two boys in sunny South Florida. You can find her sharing her journey in faith atwww.toshowthemjesus.com and on Facebook at www.Facebook.com/ToShowThemJesus.

ARTICLE FROM THE GOSPEL COALITION BLOG

I wonder ...

Several years ago I went to my first Catholic wedding.   A friend of Pam's was getting married and it happened to be in a Catholic church.  I was very interested to be an observer at a full Catholic wedding including the mass.  I'd heard about Catholic weddings but had not ever been to one.   So it was with great curiosity, yet with suitable Baptist skepticism, that we went that day.

The wedding vows were not exceptionally different than that which I had heard many times at many weddings.  There was perhaps a little more ceremony and grandeur because of the cathedral setting - stained glass windows, high, vaulted ceiling, and the feeling of transcendent purpose all due to the purposeful architecture which surrounded us.  But when they ended the ceremony with the communion service I was stunned at the imagery.   I am probably reading more into this than was actually going through many of their minds as they participated - but I think I caught the original intent of the symbolism and actions.    The vast majority of the attendees, at that moment, became participants in the wedding.  No longer were they mere observers like me.  Kneeling down in solemn prayer and in solidarity, they with one voice petitioned God on behalf of the newly married couple.  As part of the symbolism of commitment and unity, they shared the bread and wine of communion.   What an image!   The sharing of one loaf, of one cup, of one purpose, picturing something transcendent and more than a mere ceremony as each participant was committing, along with the couple, to be faithful to Christ and to His purposes for their marriage.   In one sense the observers became active participants, actively engaged in the marriage - not only in this event but in the entire marriage - as they promised to be there to encourage the new couple, train them, hold them accountable, pray for them, and to just be there for them.   What an image!  What a ceremony!   What a way to begin a marriage! 

Sure, as a Baptist, I object to the teachings they hold regarding the mass and regarding justification.   And given the teachings behind those images, I'd have to reject them.  But what would it be like if we Baptists used those images backed by the truth of the gospel and the truth of the ordinance of the Lord's table?  As Christians we know that to have a successful marriage, it will take remarkably more than mere intention.  It requires humility, commitment, support, accountability, and grace - all things that are found (or supposed to be found) in the New Testament Church of our Lord Jesus Christ.   I would not mind seeing our churches adopt the images used by the Catholics when we have our weddings - but not merely at the wedding, but all through the marriage.   What would our marriages be like if we regularly and humbly depended on the Body of Christ, represented in the bread and wine of the Lord's table, but fleshed out in the actions and prayers of the local New Testament Church, as they intentionally and purposefully encouraged, challenged, and held to account each marriage therein?

This last week, as our church celebrated the Lord's Supper, it was also an occasion for a matter of church discipline.   Our pastor pointed out to us that it is a long tradition that matters of church discipline are carried out around the Lord's Table.   How appropriate!   It only makes sense.  Unity, pictured by the sharing of the symbols of the body and blood of Christ, as well as the picture of the brokenness that He experienced on our behalf reminded us of the solemnity of the occasion.   It reminded us all that were it not for the body and blood of our Lord, shed for us, we would not be saved.  We have no grounds for feeling superior or judgmental - rather we are humbled as we carry out a loving and painful responsibility to a fellow traveler.

It occurred to me as we left church that night and as I remembered the wedding I described above, why do we not combine the Lord's Supper with more life events of significance - and not just the elements of the Supper, but also the fleshed out imagery?  Why not combine the Lord's Supper with marriage (perhaps this would be a separate service from the wedding - intimate with just the church family present)?  Why not share the Lord's Supper when a fellow member dies and we have the funeral?  This would seal in our minds (and theirs) our commitment to the spouse and family. Why not at baby dedications as the church promises to love and support and flesh out the body of Christ to the new baby and his parents in the huge journey they are commencing?  Why not at graduation?   Why not?

In an age where members of the church remain autonomous and feel like mere observers and not members, would not the inclusion of the Supper in big events in our lives remind us of our participation and commitment to the local body of Christ.  Would it not raise our expectations about the involvement of our fellow members in the most important and even intimate aspects of our lives?  Would it not be a good thing - consistent with overall beliefs about the church?  Would it not contribute to unity; to humility; to submitting one to another?

I wonder…

Prayer of confession:

(I believe originally by A.W. Tozer)

Father I want to know you, but my coward heart fears to give up its toys. I cannot part with them without inward bleeding and I do not try to hide from you the terror of the parting. I come trembling but I do come. 

Please root from my heart all those things that I have cherished so long and which have become a very part of my living self so that you may enter and dwell there without a rival. 

Then shall you make the place of your feet glorious. Then shall my heart have no need for the sun to shine in it for you yourself will be the light in it. And there shall be no night there. 

May it be so, Lord Jesus. 

We pray it in your name. 

Amen.

Perspective:

My life is made up of a succession of days that constitute my opportunity to glorify God.  It will do no good to begrudge the character or nature of these days; rather, I need/want to revel in the unique opportunity those days afford to me in order that I can deliberately and intensely glorify and enjoy God.  This is the moment in all of history which God has entrusted to my stewardship.  Now what will I do with it?

Contemplating the past year as well as the approaching new year.

All of life - a kingdom story.

But for Paul, all of life had become a kingdom story of living out the radical implications of the gospel of grace. Scotty Smith - The Gospel Coalition

Try His Splendor Out!

When God wants to drill a man
And thrill a man
And skill a man
When God wants to mold a man
To play the noblest part

When He yearns with all His heart
To create so great and bold a man
That all the world shall be amazed,
Watch His methods, watch His ways!

How He ruthlessly perfects
Whom He royally elects!
How He hammers him and hurts him
And with mighty blows converts him
Into shapes and forms of clay
Which only God can understand.

How He bends but never breaks
When his good He undertakes
How He uses whom He chooses
And with mighty power infuses him
With every act induces him
To try His splendor out –
God knows what He’s about.

Author unknown.

Apples & Such

One night when I was putting Sam to bed, we were having one of our, “Dad, let’s have a talk” discussions. I don’t remember exactly what we were talking about, but I certainly remember the way it ended up.

As we were talking, the discussion meandered to a time when I was a boy on my paper route and how I’d love to eat fruit as I delivered my papers. I told him how I had customers and neighbors of customers who gave me their permission to “cut” through their yard on my route and to also help myself to fruit off of their apple and pear trees.

He listened attentively with wide eyes and riveted gaze. As I described my trip on my route, I told him about how good an apple tastes when the sun is out in September and the apple has just been picked. His face broke in to a huge smile as he continued to listen. I think he could almost taste the apple as I described the experience to him.
I explained how crisp those apples were and how they were so much more so than any apples that had been picked weeks earlier and stored in refrigeration until someone bought them from a grocery store.

I have to say that the delight on his face inspired me to delve into all of the details I could muster. I described, as vividly as I could, the experience of putting my mouth on the hard, rough surface and biting into the crisp juicy apple. I explained that the fresh apple was so much juicier than any store bought apple and that the apple would almost explode in my mouth with flavor as the juice burst out of the apple.

Now, Samuel loves fruit. He gets fruit to eat on a regular basis. But this night, it was like he’d never had an apple before. He relished that apple as he asked me to tell the story over and over again.

Finally, he could not stand it any longer and exclaimed that we must get up from bed and go out in the kitchen and get an apple right then! I explained that we could not since it was bed time but that we would enjoy an apple the next day. So instead of eating an apple, I had to tell the story several more times before he would go to sleep.

The next morning, when I got him up, he immediately wanted to go to the kitchen and get an apple. I explained that we would do that later that day after I got home from work.

At noon time, when I came home for lunch, he was waiting for me, anxiously prodding me to get an apple that we could enjoy. I almost could not stand it and became anxious to enjoy the apple with him. But alas it was nap time for Sam, so we could not have fruit right then.

After work I came in the door and there he was again, ready to “experience” the apple. But it was dinner time, so, again, we had to delay the apple. I thought he was going to explode.

Finally, dinner was over and it was time. I was almost as excited as he. I got the apple, put it in the oven for a few minutes to simulate the warmth of the sun (the best I could do without an authentic apple tree in September).
When I finally approached the table where Sam was sitting, he was sitting on the edge of his chair and had both hands out with a huge grin on his face – obviously primed with anticipation.

With both hands he held the apple to his mouth and I could see him anxiously trying to experience every sensation. He bit in and the grin on his face was priceless as the juice burst into his mouth from the inside of the apple. “Mmmmm, the flavor!” he exclaimed. I’ll never eat an apple again without experiencing it through Sam’s eyes that day.

But it occurs to me that it would be so exciting if we could whet others appetites for Christ so that they, too, could not wait to taste and see, to savor the Savior we so delight in.

Thank you, Samuel, for teaching me such a valuable object lesson. I’ve so much to learn from the life of Samuel.